: luck that takes the form of finding valuable or pleasant things that are not looked for
That’s what I’m thinking about right now. Why? Because I found a half eaten blueberry waffle under my 8 year’s old bed today. Obviously. The finding of valuable or pleasant things–the waffle–that are not looked for.
See?
I think life is much more interesting if you believe there are no coincidences. And tomorrow is my birthday.
What does this all mean? Keep reading.
A Waffle. Originally Posted March 30, 2013. ONE YEAR AGO EXACTLY.
I remember being very OCD when I was little. I actually measured my pink bedspread on each side to make sure it was even and used a wire hanger to smooth the wrinkles out. I think I was 8. Don’t even get me started about my dresser drawers. I had to fold my undergarments just so, and heaven forbid my mom put anything in them if they weren’t folded to my specifications. Like I said, I was OCD. I slowly mellowed as I got older but it wasn’t until God gave me boys that I truly got over it.
Which brings me to today.
Today is my birthday. I had breakfast in bed. Meaning I found a half eaten waffle under the covers at the end of the 5 year old’s bed this morning, smuggled in from the night before. Along with a phone book (I didn’t even know we still had a phone book?!), 3 rubber bands, a cheese stick wrapper, a pen, and a sealed envelope which I think contains my birthday list that he painstakingly rewrote twice. I then went to the upper bunk where my 7 year old sleeps. No waffle. But he did have one straw, a sleep mask which belongs to me, a hand full of legos, and a pamphlet on how to play a Tin Penny Whistle from Colonial Williamsburg.
Now if you didn’t know me based upon that last paragraph you would swear we were messy slobs. Can I just tell you that not 24 hours earlier our house had been scrubbed clean from top to bottom and all the sheets washed and changed?
Let’s get back to today. I have to believe that there is some significance to the fact that my birthday falls the day after Good Friday and the day before Easter. The day after an ending so that there can be a new beginning. But, wait, there is more…I’m 41 today. I just completed 40 years. A 40 something time period, whether days, months or years is always a period of testing, trial or probation and ends with a period of restoration, or renewal. Think Noah and rain for 40 days and 40 nights, or Moses on the mountain…40 days, Israelites wandering…40 years, Jesus in the wilderness…40 days.
So today is a giant brand new renewal. God’s been working on me in big and small ways. The waffle is a small way but if 20 years ago I had found a half eaten linty waffle I would have changed the sheets and ranted. Today I contemplated eating it.
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I think I just got a reminder in the form of one half-eaten blueberry waffle found under a bed. Coincidence, I think not. Serendipitous, yes.
One of my favorite clients called me today from Virginia. She starts the conversation with “I wish you were here and I’m such a failure”…. Huh? We are talking about decorating, right? I think this is extreme and I tell her so, clearly, she is just being dramatic. But the thing was…she wasn’t. She really believed she was a hot mess when it came to all things “HGTV”. Whether she was or is, isn’t the point. The point is why do we use the word failure at all to describe ourselves? Is it ever failing or is it learning?
Which brings me to my next point–how we take our gifts or our strengths for granted. We assume that just because we are good, or really good, or flipping amazing at something, and that (this part is huge) it comes so easily to us that clearly this ability ‘aint no big thing’–it’s generic. Isn’t everyone good at_________(fill in the blank)?
And never mind what I’M good at (whatever we think)…look what YOU can do! I wish I could ______(fill in the blank.) I’m a…wait for it…failure when it comes to that. Then to make it worse we list all the things we are bad at. We commit them to memory. We tell everyone all the time the stuff that we made a hot mess. But the things we are good at? We don’t talk about that. Those things we downplay, we ignore, and we look elsewhere to all the failures.
Maybe this sounds extreme, but is it? Do you even know what your gifts, talents, or strengths are? I’m not talking interview prep. I mean really for real. What if I rephrased it? What if I asked you to tell me what you liked doing? Or how you like to spend your day? Or what you are proud of? What about something you get complemented on all the time?
Here’s one thing about me, and I’ve had all self talk examples listed above. Maybe I can even replay it for you.
Yeah, so, whatever…I’m good with people. I guess I am good at talking with people. I guess I can relate well with people and their problems. I guess I make friends easily. I genuinely like people and I am really interested in their background. I like learning about new friends. I LOVE making new friends because there is so much new “stuff” I get to learn. And again, I mean this: So What. Isn’t that normal? Isn’t that being a normal functioning adult? I feel like by listing these things I’m asking for a blue ribbon for having shoes on, or brushing my teeth. Who cares?
Then there is my friend. He is amazing at figuring things out. I mean he thrives on it. Give him a new car with lots of technology and an owner’s manual and he will sit in that car for 6 hours delving into every iota of it’s fanciness. Just typing that makes me sweat and start to panic. I HATE FIGURING THINGS OUT. If you paid me to sit in a car for 6 hours with a manual and then gave me that car for free—I might do it but I would be completely stressed and miserable–and that’s even if I agree to do it. I swear my hands are sweating as I think about this prospect. HORRIBLE. I cannot make this point clear enough–I am terrible at reading complicated directions and then patiently following them to a successful conclusion. I have done it. But I remember all the times and it was painful. (Those front yard grapevine reindeer that move and light up at Christmas? I put together two. Yeah, I did that. MAJOR big deal for me.)
So my friend who can figure everything out patiently and successfully? That is a gift. That is a strength. But he thinks everyone can do it (except me of course.) He thinks that I’m great with people and tells me it is my gift. And I think he’s crazy. Yet give him the job of negotiating with a car salesman and he might pay sticker price. I’d get it for way less plus become friends with him and his wife and maybe become a god parent to one of his kids. Of course I would never be able to drive the car because I don’t know how to operate it as the manual is too involved…
Failure really isn’t an option. We are all good at different things and need to sit up and take notice of what we are amazing at. I’m talking to you “Herbert” from last night’s party who will end up being Rock On Teacher of the Year to middle school kids because that is a flipping GIFT from GOD how you can relate with pre-teens like you do. And I’m talking to you client from Virginia who can add 6 figures in your head and then divide them by pie. I don’t even understand pie. But I’m not a failure! It’s just NOT my gift.
I get asked all the time really specific questions about paint colors. “I have an open floor plan, with this color floor, and this color furniture, and the pillows are this color—-so what color should I paint the bathroom?”
I really don’t know. I’m not in your house. But I can tell you what NOT to do.
Rhode Island School of Design
IF you are super challenged with these type of things then here is a list of Do’s and Don’ts.
Courtesy of Bubba Makes 3
If you are Candace Olsen or Nate Berkus (read Professionals or someone with a great eye for design) then you can disregard this post and do what you want…you’ll figure out a way to make it all work.
Otherwise.
If you want a yellow room, don’t pick a yellow.
Do pick a white with a tint of yellow. Same goes with all the other colors. Blue? Pick a white with a hint of blue. How do you do this? Go to Lowes or Home Depot and pick up one of the “Whites” pamphlets. There’s like 70 “Whites” all with a hint of a different color. Once the white with the hint of yellow hits all four walls the color intensifies and it will look yellow–albeit a light yellow. This is called playing it safe. If you are terrible at picking paint colors and you want a bright yellow room and you are ok with something that looks like mustard exploded on your walls…that’s on you.
If you are determined to have a deeper yellow room (that isn’t mustard exploding off a hot dog) then do this–TEST A SAMPLE on the walls. Be prepared to buy 4 (or more!) different sample colors (most paints now have small testers you can buy) and try them all. Paint a 10(ish) inch size spot on inconspicuous places on the wall.
They didn’t really choose an inconspicuous spot-but you get the idea.
Know that whatever one you choose will end up being about 1-2 shades deeper/brighter once you paint the whole wall with it.
Also, if you buy the small testers–they only come in a FLAT finish/sheen. If you are not planning on using flat paint and want a satin–the color will look different in the satin (or the semi-gloss etc…)…It will be brighter. The more the sheen the brighter it will appear on the wall. If you don’t know what the difference between Flat, Eggshell, Satin, Semi-Gloss, Hi-Gloss click here (Sherwin-Williams) or here (Apartment Therapy).
When you test the color keep in mind that the color will look completely different at night with incandescent lighting than it does during the day with sunlight. Also, fluorescent lighting (like the kind in the paint store where you are picking the swatches) will make the color look completely different than incandescent lighting (regular old light bulbs). COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Like two completely colors different.
If you look at a paint swatch the darkest color on the end will help give you a hint as to what the lighter shades on the swatch will lean towards. So if you pick a grey and the darkest color on the paint swatch is deep purple–chances are when that grey goes on the wall it is going to have a purple undertone to it. Or that soft beige? Did you look at the bottom color? It might look very orange once it hits the wall. See below. Look at the the lightest colors and then look at the deepest at the bottom of each strip to give you an indication of what direction it may take once it goes on the wall.
When picking colors for an entire house please for the love of Pete pick 3 or 4 colors that go together and stick with that. Say you pick green, grey, and khaki. Make sure all the rooms are in this color family–they are a green, a brown, or a grey.
Courtesy of Joey and Janice Buy A House
Bedrooms can break this rule. You close the door. It’s probably upstairs. It’s ok. BUT the bathroom that opens off the bedroom needs to match or at least coordinate with the bedroom. Got it?
Consider how paint colors will flow from room-to-room; and if it’s a small home or you’re at all worried about it feeling chopped up or chaotic, it doesn’t usually hurt to err on the side of fewer colors within your whole house palette (even if there are some bold ones in there, just make sure they mix well together to avoid that random rainbow effect). (From Young House Love–They have a great post called Bad Painting Decisions. If you want to read more from Young House Love click here.)
Here’s a few random “facts” about color:
Red revs a room up, draws people together, and stimulates conversation. Great for dining rooms. However, dark red can create conflict.
Orange is excitement and energy. No surprise there. Maybe not a good color for your kid’s room… How about an exercise room?
Yellow energizes and is uplifting. Great for kitchens. Some studies have shown that yellow can also cause people to lose their temper and make babies cry more?? It stimulates nerves. Maybe not a good color to use a lot of?
Light blue is considered calming, relaxing and serene. Great for spaces where we relax. Dark blue, however, can create feelings of sadness.
Green is refreshing and is a great stress relieving color. It promotes comfort and togetherness. Consider painting your entire house green??
Deep purple is dramatic and sophisticated. Luxury and creativity. Lavender and lilac are restful.
Houzz.com
And if all else fails–you can always repaint. Or hang wallpaper:)
Once upon a time I was in Hawaii. The breezes were warm as I parted fuchsia flowering vines and walked onto a white sand beach with turquoise and emerald green water. I had just eaten an avocado burger in a beach shack on the North Shore. Nobody needed me to do a thing. I had no watch. My only plans were dinner later and a drive back down through the island…where the wait staff waited.
How about a tropical beach with crystal blue warm waters, white sand, gentle breezes, in an exotic location with few people and lots of good food…and drinks…and people waiting to wait just on you? I don’t want all the hassle of packing and planning. I want to be beamed there like in Star Trek and then back before homework and kids stuff starts…or maybe just after;) Actually maybe I do want a week. But then there is reintegration after it’s over. Back to busy, back to noise, and back to stress. Why can’t everyday life be more like a beach vacation?
And why does the beach make us happier? Is it just fresh air, a good book, control of your day, maybe sleeping in, avocado burgers, bougainvillea, and sunshine or is there something more?
Why, yes, there is…
The color blue has been shown to produce feelings of security and relaxation.
The sound of ocean waves actually alters our brain waves. The most pleasurable sounds have predictable wave patterns and low pitches…like those of the ocean. And, only ocean sounds activate a special part of the brain, which is associated with emotion and self-reflection. This leads to calmness or excitement–things that we know improve our mood.
Plus, when we go to the beach we have the tactile sensation of sand between our toes. Apparently, sand has such huge emotional power that is sometimes used in psychotherapy.
The ultraviolet rays in sunshine can improve your sense of physical and emotional wellbeing by stimulating the production of vitamin D – this boosts our production of serotonin, the chemical that works to keep us feeling alert, up-beat and happy. (from Beach Tomato)
Then there is what we do at the beach. We walk. We play. We swim. And when we move we reduce stress. We also make good memories and that, my friend, is just good happy.
Want to know more? Check out Why the Beach Makes us Happy by Barry Yeoman. And Scientist Wallace J. Nichols’ BLUEMIND, the brain-ocean connection.
If your life is blissfully beachlike everyday…this post isn’t for you. If you are staring at snow…still, well this one’s for you.
Sometimes life is so crazy it’s hard to celebrate what’s right. A few years ago my husband was in a terrible accident, my mom had ovarian cancer, and I was a military mom on my own taking care of two little boys. And those are just some of the bullet points that come to mind.
The nitty gritty of the in between felt even worse. Way worse.
So. Much. Worse.
It’s almost so absurd that I kind of, well, laugh. I mean what’s the alternative? Fall apart? I don’t know about you but most of the time, especially with a deployed husband, there are no safety nets. If you fall…well, it’s just that much further you have to climb to get back up. Better to hang on. Better to laugh.
I love my friend Mony. We do a phenomenal job of laughing together. I went to DC this past weekend and did some house hunting while staying with her. We laughed until we cried one night over a memory involving a past deployment, a boat sailing to Australia, a checkbook, and a completely ridiculous complication involving our military life. It really wasn’t funny. Our husbands would concur as they stared at us with expressionless faces, but that sort of made it funnier. Moments like that are good. The military has provided some really good material for the absurd over the years.
The military has also provided some safety nets. Last week I was given the opportunity to take a 5 day seminar through the Army on communication, perception, learning styles, self-reliance, cognitive restructuring, group dynamics, empowerment, problem solving, synergy, stress and conflict, wellness, creative thinking, team-building and leadership. I don’t even think I mentioned everything. I received a diploma, a military coin, and a nice moment with a General. Even more meaningful was the small team of women from all over the world that I spent the week with. We had a Pearls of Wisdom board in our room. Whenever anyone said something that resonated with the group it would be added to the board.
“Choice” makes you in charge of happiness.
Express your needs effectively so people can meet your needs effectively.
Don’t sabotage yourself with your own expectations.
Well managed conflict equals positive and substantial change.
You have ownership over your own energy. (That was mine!)
A few years ago I might have said next time this year things will be easier. Next time, however, the following year, my husband and my mom almost lost their lives. Now I say I have no idea where I am with “easier”. Is it easier today than yesterday? Will next year be easier than this year? Was last year easier? Will tomorrow be easy? I pretty much took “easier” and “easy” out of my vocabulary. Who the heck cares about easy. Easy is just boring anyway.
Now I focus on strong safety nets. I focus on right now. I focus on laughter.
A dear friend told me a few years back as I struggled with the nitty gritty in between all the bullet points to give myself some Grace.
